3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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