It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Randomize
