i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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