What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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