so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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