How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
