Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
