I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
