It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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