This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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