just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
