Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
