Do you still have your period?
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
