Even the bartender felt bad for me
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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