apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
