clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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