I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
