I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
