Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
someone threw a dead crab at me
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Randomize
