yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
