Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
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Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
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You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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