My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
