You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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