i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I want to be your penis for a week.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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