pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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