It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
What a fucking waste of an outfit
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Randomize
