I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
