I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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