I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
