I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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