I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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