We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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