Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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