I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
