i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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