i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
