So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
