i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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