Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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