Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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