He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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