The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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