Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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