I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
