Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
