I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Two words: blizzard sex
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
