so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
