just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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