I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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