i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
