Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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