I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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