can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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