I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Randomize
