I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
