i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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