I'm going to jail i love you
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
