You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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