My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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