if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
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I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
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They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
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