Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Randomize
