Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Randomize
