he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
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I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
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We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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