i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
