We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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