He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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