Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
