So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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