dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
