When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
