I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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