he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Randomize
